


something in me knew that it was real

by wakemeup



Category: X Factor (US) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:01:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakemeup/pseuds/wakemeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren's looking in from the outside now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	something in me knew that it was real

She knows. She knows how awful this is. One moment she was hanging on for dear God, praying that she had done the right thing, praying that the decision she had made wouldn’t haunt her.

 

She realizes now how stupid that decision was in the first place. Camila was, is, no object. She wasn’t meant to be traded off. Lauren was naive from the start. She had readied herself for everything that this life was going to throw at her. She had mentally set herself up for the haters, the lack of sleep, the lack of privacy.

 

But, Camila was a variable that she had never thought would affect her in the same way lack of sleep does. She had no idea how to prepare for that and as a consequence, she shut down. Her heart was ahead of her head and she ended up realizing too late that Camila wasn’t the variable. She was the _formula_ for Lauren’s happiness.

 

Now, Camila is Normani’s.

 

Things happened too fast for Lauren to really realize it until it was happening.

 

“Laur, you okay?” Ally nudges Lauren’s shoulders. The older girl had driven the two of them to Coldstone for a little bit of a breather. She loves the other girls to death, but sometimes Ally needs a few minutes alone to feel like the twenty year old she is. Lauren’s been distant herself and Ally knew taking Lauren with her was the best decision. She was just going to avoid the other girls anyways.

 

“Mhm.” Lauren blinks rapidly to refocus her eyes. She makes her way over the the booth in the back to sit with the Texan.

 

The shorter girl sits and starts fiddling with her phone. She texts Troy a quick hello and asks if he has time to Skype later. Their relationship is a saving grace all on its own. He’s her confidant. He makes her feel safe and just like her family, he feels a lot like home does. The thought of home flashes through her mind and she knows that Lauren’s missing a lot right now.

 

“Do you want to talk about any of it?” She offers as she spoons more ice cream into her mouth.

 

“What?”

 

“Whatevers on your mind.” Ally doesn’t want to push, but she’s not stupid, not at all. Airheaded sometimes, but that doesn’t really mean anything. She’s perceptive. None of the girls ever talk about what happened to Camila and Lauren, but now that Normani and Camila are really a thing no one’s ever really approached Lauren about how she feels.

 

“I don’t---” Lauren begins to say as her gaze falls on Ally. She cuts off once she sees the soft smile the older girl is giving her.

 

“There’s no use in lying to me.” Ally shrugs her shoulders.

 

“There’s nowhere to start.” Lauren offers back.

 

“Wherever you are now.” Ally replies.

 

“They’re back at the hotel, probably having the best time. Camila---” She shakes her head, not ready to address the younger girl directly. Ally just waits. “I don’t really feel welcome anymore.” She stabs at her ice cream, angry at herself for the admission and even sadder at the thought of the truth in her words.

 

“Why don’t you?”

 

“I feel like I’m intruding.”

 

“Why?” Ally knows that Lauren could snap and shut down at any moment, but she pushes until that happens. She can only offer an her presence. Ally is happy if her girls are happy. Excluding Lauren, they are. She just wants Lauren to figure out what all of this means.

 

“Because, Normani got what I wanted?” That sounds so elementary coming out of her mouth and she’s always been territorial, but this is ridiculous.

 

“You’re talking about Camila?”

 

There’s a slight nod in Lauren’s posture and Ally hasn’t made eye contact with Lauren. She’s been staring at the girl’s ice cream because Lauren hasn’t looked away from it, she laughs internally at how much Lauren reminds her of the shy Camila she first met a little over a year ago.

 

“You know Normani doesn’t care, right? She isn’t---” Ally plays with the words in her head. “She doesn’t think of anyone as a threat? She’s simple, almost as simple as Camila. She just wants to make everyone happy and she’s doing that with Camila right now.”

 

Lauren hates that she’s not a ‘threat.’ She rolls the thoughts around in her head. Normani is now a variable and she needs to just toss out this whole damn problem. She needs to stop thinking so logically and start figuring out what makes her happy again. Aside from the younger girl.

 

“I just have to move on right?” Lauren asks, voice low, moisture building up in her eyes. She will not cry. She’s done too much of that.

 

Ally doesn’t know the answer. She can’t give Lauren the answer. She smiles softly and reaches across the small table to rest her hand over Lauren’s own, causing the younger girl to look at her, one tear falling as she lifts her head up.

 

“You start being okay with what you can. I can’t give you the answer, but maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe you’ve learned a lesson and now you can move forward.”

 

\-----------------------

 

“Ahhh!” A high scream comes out of the room and Dinah’s furious “Cheechee!” echoes through the room as Ally and Lauren sit in their connected suite.

 

Camila runs through the door soon after and Dinah follows hot on her tail with some whipped cream all over her face. If Lauren’s not mistaken it’s chocolate sauce in her hand though, so Camila’s got it rough.

 

She glances at Ally and they both start laughing.

 

“Did they go this way?” Normani peeks through the door. Lauren smiles before nodding.

 

It’s been three weeks since the talk she’d had with Ally. Three weeks of participating and seeing how happy Camila is when they’re all together---how happy she is with Normani. Slowly, she’s let herself stop thinking about it all. Began to let go and enjoy their laughter, their happiness. That’s her own happiness. The people she loves are happy and Lauren’s learning that lesson that Ally mentioned.

 

She’s learning how to be happy. How to be selfless. Something she realizes she would’ve been horrible at a relationship without. A blessing in disguise? She’d like to think that that’s what this is.

 

“Oh jeez. They’re never let us into Marriot hotels again. They literally ran up from the lobby with that stuff and I think they’re in the hallway making a mess.” Normani throws herself onto Ally’s bed as the older girl laughs.

 

“Shouldn’t you go protect her?” Ally says between laughs.

 

“No, Mila’s got her own thing going on with Dinah. I’m not about to get in between that.”

 

“How’re you guys?” Lauren asks the question. (She’s gotten better and this is the first time she asked it was so cringe-worthy) Normani smiles.

 

“We’re good.” It’s simple, easy.

 

\--------------------------

 

“Mani?” Camila whispers, not a whisper at all.

 

“Hmm?” Normani shifts her body so that her back is laying more comfortably against the couches armrest. Camila is tucked in between her legs. Normani loves this side of Camila. The tired sleepy Camila, the one that doesn’t know how to keep to her own space, when her shyness or her fears of being too clingy don’t take over.

 

“Sleepy.” Camila mumbles into Normani’s shoulder.

 

Lauren tries to look away. She can’t help overhearing because the movie is loud, but Camila’s voice cuts through any noise.

 

“Okay.” Normani smiles and kisses the crown of her girlfriend’s head.

 

She sits up slowly before leaning over, her back to the couch for Camila to climb onto. She always does this when Camila’s too exhausted. Dinah always teases and says that she’s like a monkey and Normani is just really whipped.

 

The girls say their goodnights softly before trudging off to their shared bed.

 

Lauren smiles the smallest bit. Her heart hurts because she’s sure that she’s in love with that ridiculous girl on Normani’s back, but right now isn’t the time for that.

 

She has to hope that Ally’s right in most ways. That things work out a certain way for a reason. She’ll take Camila being happy with Normani, some days she even wishes for the best with them (these days she can close her eyes and pretend everything’s okay.)

 

She’s not over it, but Normani and Camila are happy. She’s happy with being simple. he hopes that someday someone will come along to help her really move on, but right now, she’s happy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i'm just trying to get back into writing so i wrote this it sucks i'm sorry


End file.
